Before 2017, before I met my ex-wife, I was carrying a lot of grief, loneliness, and low self-esteem. When you're in that state, you're not always thinking about protecting yourself or carefully vetting the people you allow into your life.
You're simply trying to fill a void, find a connection, and ease the pain.
That vulnerable and unguarded place can invite all kinds of people into your life. Unfortunately, that's exactly what happened to me.
One of the biggest lessons I've learned is that appearances can be deceiving. Just because someone looks beautiful, peaceful, drama-free, loving, or like the perfect partner doesn't mean that's what you're actually getting.
Sometimes what appears to be a dream can eventually turn into a nightmare, costing you emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and financially.
These are conversations I wish someone had with me before I entered the real world of dating, love, sex, and relationships. I wasn't prepared for how harsh it could be. Through trial, error, and painful experience, I learned something valuable:
Protect yourself like you're worth a billion dollars.
Know Your Worth
This phrase gets used a lot, but what does it actually mean?
Knowing your worth means recognizing your intrinsic value as a human being. It is the deep belief that you deserve respect, love, honesty, and healthy treatment—not because of your accomplishments, wealth, status, or what others think of you, but simply because you exist.
Key aspects of self-worth:
• Setting Boundaries – People who know their worth establish healthy limits and are willing to walk away from toxic situations where they are consistently undervalued.
• Not Settling – It means refusing to accept less than you deserve, whether in a relationship, friendship, or career.
• Understanding Your Intrinsic Value – Unlike self-esteem, which may rise and fall based on successes or failures, self-worth is stable. Your value isn't earned; it's inherent.
Don't Lie to Yourself
One of the most dangerous things we can do is deceive ourselves.
"Don't lie to yourself" means having the courage to confront uncomfortable truths about your motivations, feelings, choices, and circumstances, rather than creating excuses or distorted narratives to protect your ego.
Fyodor Dostoevsky wrote:
"Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect, he ceases to love."
That's a powerful warning.
When we repeatedly ignore red flags, excuse toxic behavior, or deny what we know deep down to be true, we become trapped in our own illusion. We lose clarity. We stop trusting ourselves. We confuse hope with reality.
Being honest with yourself isn't always comfortable, but it's necessary for growth.
Don't lie to yourself about who people are.
Don't lie to yourself about what you're willing to tolerate.
Don't lie to yourself about what you need, want, or deserve.
Real change begins the moment we stop avoiding the truth and start facing it.
The older I get, the more I realize that protecting your peace, knowing your worth, and being brutally honest with yourself are not acts of selfishness—they are acts of self-respect.